In parts 15 & 16, we talked about what happens when we turn our guilt (incorrect core beliefs from childhood create a Root) outwards onto others (The Vine) lashing out in anger and destruction. In this part, we are going to examine what happens if we turn our guilt inwards.
Let's take this Vine in the opposite direction.
We watched the first vine pushing outwards, lashing out, building walls, pushing others away; One Vine creeping out in many many directions from this root of Guilt.
What happens if we watch that Vine twist inwards, wrapping itself around our heart and our guts and our innards; twisting itself into our brain.
If we take the same situation, the same situation with a different little girl. She doesn't clean her room, her mommy yells at her and tell her to go to her room until it's clean; she hears mommy and daddy arguing and daddy leaves.
She thinks it's her fault that Daddy left because she didn't clean her room. This little girl blames herself that Daddy left, because she didn't clean her room.
Same scenario as before, same false belief created, same root of guilt.
However, this little girl says ‘I'm going to be the best little girl on the planet. I'm going to do everything right. I'm never going to be a bad little girl again and if I do that, then everything will be perfect and daddy will come back and Mommy will love me and everything will work out.’
So this little girl cleans her room spotless. In fact, she starts cleaning the whole house.
She behaves so well in school, she starts getting citizenship Awards.
She starts getting straight A's and she's doing the very, very best job that she can.
But... nobody's perfect and when something goes wrong in the little girl’s world, like maybe she drops something or she gets a B or maybe something doesn't quite go right, the little girl has a little meltdown.
The little girl doesn't want anyone to see her having a little meltdown, and the little girl doesn't understand how to process all of the pain that she's feeling, so the little girl hurts herself.
Maybe she makes a little cut on her arm.
Maybe she starts thinking bad thoughts about herself about what a horrible person she is.
Maybe the little girl starts telling herself that she is a terrible person that she's a loser.
Maybe she tells herself that everyone hates her.
Maybe she tells herself if she doesn't get everything perfect, then her whole world is going to end and everyone will leave her just like Daddy did.
'If I'm not perfect then everything will be wrong and nothing will be right and everyone will leave.'
This starts a whole different spiral in her life of self-hatred and self-loathing and a perfectionism that goes beyond.
Maybe it turns into OCD.
Maybe it turns into anxiety.
Maybe it turns into her becoming a type A personality, that excels on the outside and punishes herself on the inside.
Maybe she becomes a cutter.
Maybe she pops pills.
Maybe she becomes an exercise addict.
This type of guilt will manifest itself in many ways, but the main way that it manifests itself is in self-harm. On the outside she looks perfect and she will present the image of perfection, but when one thing goes wrong, she will destroy herself on the inside.
This is yet another way that the same exact root of guilt, from the same event, presents itself and creates those vines that twist themselves into our lives.
Is my guilt misguided? Is my guilt hurting my life?
Let's examine the root.
Did her daddy leave because she didn't clean her room? No, he didn't.
But does the grown up girl recognize that fact? No she doesn't.
Why doesn't she recognize that fact?
Because she doesn't know that all of her behavior stems from that one root of Guilt.
She doesn't recognize that all the Vines; all the behavior; all the self-sabotage; all the negative thoughts come from that one guilty little secret; that one false belief; that one root of Guilt that it's her fault that Daddy left because she didn't clean her room.
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
Are you either of these little girls?
Do you see these Vines, these behaviors, playing themselves out in your own life?
These are the things that destroy us.
These are the things that keep us from loving ourselves.
These are the things that keep us in the darkness.
These are the things that keep us from seeing ourselves clearly, because we don't recognize the false beliefs that make up our core.
How do we heal this root? How do we clear away these vines, that stifle us and twist up our hearts?
We time travel. (Click here for a video on this technique.)
We use that technique we talked about in Chapter 6.
You go back to that little girl and you tell her it’s not her fault her daddy left and you give her a hug.
Then you hug your daddy and you tell him you forgive him.
Then you even hug your mother and forgive her.
Then you hug your grown self and forgive yourself for that false belief you have carried all these years.
Release your guilt.
Dig out those roots.
Rip out those Vines!
You can do it!!
This is part 17 of a series of excerpt from Simple Spirituality of Self e-book channeled by me during my Awakening
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