In part 15, we were talking about the ways that Guilt can affect us, especially misplaced guilt from childhood (The Root). In the previous example, we talked about guilt based on an incorrect core belief formed in childhood, that can affect us for our entire life. (The Vine) Today we're going to explore another Vine that can be created by Guilt pushed outwards into aggression and anger.
Guilt Vines can crawl in a different direction. This same young lady (from part 15) can have a Guilt Vine now that crawls around her heart about the way she's treated her mother, after the daddy left.
Because, in her mind, it was her fault that daddy left and she started treating her mother badly.
She didn't want her mommy to know that it was her fault that Daddy left. She didn't want Mommy to see that Daddy left because she was a bad girl.
So, she started pushing her away and being mean to Mommy, so that mommy wouldn't see too clearly how hurt she was that Daddy left; so mommy wouldn't see too clearly that it was her fault that Daddy left.
The further that she pushed Mommy away, the meaner that she was to Mommy, the easier it was for her to be mean; the easier it was for her to lash out and the less she had to feel her guilt. The more anger she could feel towards her mother, the less of her own guilt she had to feel.
The more she could push that blame outwards so that even though it was her own ‘guilt’ that she was feeling (because it was her fault that Daddy left) she then started to blame her mother instead.
‘Mommy was the one who told me to clean my room. Mommy was the one who made me clean my room. Mommy was the one who got into the fight with Daddy about me not cleaning my room. Mommy told him that I wasn't a good girl. It's Mommy's fault that Daddy left.’
Now she can push that anger outwards at Mommy; get into fights with Mommy and point her guilt outwards towards Mommy.
All of it is stemming from the guilt she manufactured from that false belief she created as a child that Daddy left because she didn't clean her room. As she gets older and we push forward into her twenties, she has an anger towards her mother that rears its ugly head in many other areas of her life.
How can guilt affect me at work?
For example, she's at work.
She has a boss who is a woman about her mom’s age.
Her boss says to her when she comes in late to work
‘You need to be more responsible when it comes to your job, because I need you here on time. That's part of your job. It's part of being a grown up. I understand that you're young, but you need to do the right thing here.’
Rather than respond as you should respond to your boss--
‘Yes I apologize I'll be sure to be on time tomorrow.’
She responds with ‘F*** you! You're not my mother. You can't tell me what to do. You're not the boss of me. Screw you. I'm out of here.’
The anger and blame that stems from the guilt that she's been carrying, spills out onto her boss, who has said something motherly to her about taking responsibility for her life. She exploded on her boss. Lost her job.
This will continue to happen to her over and over again until she traces this back.
That Vine twists itself into every corner of her life; every relationship, every interaction; every moment.
All stemming from the same root of guilt; all stemming back to ‘my daddy left because I didn't clean my room’ which is a false belief to begin with.
You can see how this will create so many vines out of this one root of guilt. And now, she feels shame, because she's been mean to her mother, she’s been mean to her boss. She won't get a very good reference from that job, because of the way she handled things.
Here’s another vine--
Maybe she was a great boss and a really nice lady.
Our heroine may feel bad about what she did but maybe to cover up that shame, now she'll badly talk that boss behind her back.
Maybe the boss didn't fire her and she let her stay on, but now she's spreading a rumor about that boss at work to cover up her own shame for telling her off.
She's making fun of the way the boss dresses, or her size, etc, to cover up her own shame about how she spoke to her to cover up her own embarrassment.
It's interesting how many of these Vines can you grow from just one root, from just one false belief that was started from one little root.
Guilt can cause us to lash out at others
This is just one story...just one version following just one or two vines growing up from a single root and a single incident. Following this vine from this one root all the way from that false core belief--it's my fault that Daddy left because I didn't clean my room-- to lashing out and pushing away everyone around us.
We follow that vine on an expansion of growth outwards with a person who carries that belief pushing that pain outwards at the world; they lash out at the people around them in Anger.
They will lash out because of the shame they feel.
They lash out because of the guilt they feel because they are bad; because they feel like they are naughty.
They don't want people to see how bad they are and so ‘I'm going to keep everyone away from me. I'm going to destroy everything before they can get to me.
This is my defense. This is how I keep people away. This is how I stop them before they hurt me, the way I was hurt by my daddy leaving, because 'I'm a bad girl.’
This is part 16 of a series of excerpt from Simple Spirituality of Self e-book channeled by me during my Awakening
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